The Chocolate Lounge
September 15, 2010 § 1 Comment
The other day my wife did something sweet. She encouraged me to take the laptop and to drive downtown and just sit at a coffee shop to write. She’s the kind of wife that loves me enough to take the time to think about my needs, and being that I’m an introvert she knows that sometimes I just need some time to myself.
I felt guilty at first, leaving her to care for our child, but it had been a long and hurtful week being that I have had more unpleasant exchanges with my extended family. I just needed to get away from everything familiar for a little while. It was a gorgeous day. The temperature was cool but inviting, the sun’s light seemed as pristine as the crystal blue sky, It was so beautiful that it made the car ride into town feel more relaxing than a task.
I walked downtown and was amazed at all the life I found there. Artists had set up their isles all throughout the streets and in the parks and were painting pictures of life as it infolded. I counted maybe 60 or so painters total along with their friends and onlookers who stopped to comment and take a gander. I took a good long breath in feeling rejuvenated as the air itself almost seemed to dance inside my lungs. “I love this town,” I think to myself.
There was a time however when I would walk these streets and feel entirely different. I used to walk them and feel more remorse and sadness for its ‘depravity’ and its ‘lost-ness.’ What I didn’t realize was that despite my concern and distorted love for the people of this town I was the one who was lost; I was the one being deprived of life and all of this towns beauty. I couldn’t enjoy life as it was happening all around me and right before my very eyes because my ‘life’ was stuck in feeling remorse for those who did not need my pity.
Now I feel like I see again, now I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I am truly myself, doubts and reservations, beliefs and hopes and dreams all alike. I feel like I can finally accept my world and love it, and at 29 it feels like it’s for the first time in my life.